If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric.

Chocolate Nut Bread

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 3/4 cups milk
2/3 cup vegetable oil
2 cups (12 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate chips, divided
1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350F. Grease three loaf pans.

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large bowl.

Combine eggs, milk, vegetable oil in a medium bowl. Add to flour mixture; mix until just moistened.

Stir in 1 1/2 cups morsels and nuts. Spoon into prepared loaf pans.

Bake for 45 to 48 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Cool pans for 10 minutes; remove from pans. Cool on wire racks.

Microwave remaining morsels in a heavy duty plastic bag on high for 45 seconds; knead bag to mix. Microwave an additional 10- to 20- second intervals, kneading until smooth.

Cut a small hole in the corner of the bag; squeeze to drizzle over the bread.

Sprinkle with additional nuts.

Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread.

Cinnamon Swirl Bread

3/4  cup  milk
1    egg
3  tablespoons  margarine or butter
3  cups  bread flour
3  tablespoons  granulated sugar
3/4  teaspoon  salt
1-1/4  teaspoons  active dry yeast or bread machine yeast
1/3  cup  chopped walnuts or pecans, toasted
1/3  cup  packed brown sugar
1-1/2  teaspoons  ground cinnamon
1  tablespoon  margarine or butter
    Sifted powdered sugar

1.Add the first 7 ingredients to bread machine according to the manufacturer's directions. Select the dough cycle. When cycle is complete, remove dough. Punch down. Cover and let rest for 10 minutes.

2.Meanwhile, for filling, in a medium bowl stir together the walnuts or pecans, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Set aside.

3.On a lightly floured surface, roll dough into a 14x9-inch rectangle. Spread with 1 tablespoon margarine or butter and sprinkle with filling. Starting from both short sides, roll up each side into a spiral toward the center. Place, rolled side up, in a greased 9x5x3-inch loaf pan. Cover; let rise about 30 minutes or until nearly double.

4.Bake in a 350 degree F. oven about 30 minutes or until bread sounds hollow when lightly tapped. If necessary, loosely cover with foil the last 10 minutes to prevent over browning. Remove from pan; cool on wire rack. Before serving, sprinkle with powdered sugar. Makes 1 loaf (16 servings).

Make-Ahead Tip: Bake and cool bread. Do not dust with powdered sugar. Wrap in foil and place in large plastic freezer bag or freezer container. Seal, label, and freeze up to 1 month. Thaw overnight in refrigerator or 2 hours at room temperature. Place foil-wrapped frozen bread in a 300 degree F. oven for 25 minutes or just until warm. Serve as above.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Blueberry Coffee Cake

Cake

* 2 cups all-purpose flour plus 1 teaspoon
* 1 tablespoon baking powder
* 1 teaspoon table salt
* 16 tablespoons unsalted butter (2 sticks), softened
* 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
* 1/2 cup granulated sugar
* 3 large eggs
* 1 cup whole milk
* 1/2 cup blueberries , fresh or frozen

Topping

* 1/2 cup blueberries , fresh or frozen
* 1/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Instructions

For the cake: Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 13 by 9-inch baking pan.

Whisk 2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt together in medium bowl. With electric mixer, beat butter and sugars on medium-high speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating until just incorporated. Reduce speed to medium and beat in one-third of flour mixture until incorporated; beat in half of milk. Beat in half of remaining flour mixture, then remaining milk, and finally remaining flour mixture. Toss blueberries with remaining 1 teaspoon flour. Using rubber spatula, gently fold in blueberries. Spread batter into prepared pan.

For the topping: Scatter blue-berries over top of batter. Stir sugar and cinnamon together in small bowl and sprinkle over batter. Bake until toothpick inserted in center of cake comes out clean, 45 to 50 minutes. Cool in pan 20 minutes, then turn out and place on serving platter (topping side up). Serve warm or at room temperature. (Cake can be stored in airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days.)

I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.

Chocolate Chip Bars

1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more baking sheet
4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup granulated sugar
1 1/2 cups packed light-brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1 (12-ounce) bag semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with rack in center. Generously butter a 12-by-17-inch rimmed baking sheet; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugars on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla; mix until well combined. Add flour mixture; beat on low speed until just combined. Beat in chocolate chips.

Spread dough on prepared baking sheet. Bake, rotating sheet halfway through, until edges are brown and top is golden, 40 to 45 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack; let cool completely on baking sheet. Use a serrated knife to cut into 1 1/2-by-4-inch bars.

A fanatic is a nut who has something to believe in.

Nut Brownies

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces, plus more for pan
1 cup all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup coarsely chopped nuts
8 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, chopped
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 large eggs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush a 9-inch square baking pan with butter. Line bottom and two sides with a strip of parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on the two sides. Butter paper, and set pan aside. In a small bowl, whisk flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt; set aside.

Place butter and chocolate in a large heat-proof bowl set over (not in) a saucepan of gently simmering water. Heat, stirring occasionally, until smooth, 2 to 3 minutes; remove bowl from pan. Add sugar; mix to combine. Add eggs, and mix to combine. Add flour mixture; mix just until moistened (do not overmix). Add nuts. Transfer batter to prepared pan; smooth top.

Bake until a toothpick inserted in center comes out with a few moist crumbs attached, 50 to 60 minutes. Cool in pan for 30 minutes. Using paper overhang, lift brownies out of pan; transfer to a rack to cool completely (still on paper). On a cutting board, using a dampened serrated knife, cut into 16 squares. Store in an airtight container at room temperature, up to 2 days.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

Cheddar Bread

2 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon onion salt
1/2 teaspoon leaf oregano
1/4 teaspoon dry mustard
1 1/4 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
1 egg, well beaten
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon butter, melted



Combine flour, baking powder, sugar, onion salt, oregano, dry mustard and cheese; set aside.

Combine egg, milk and butter; add all at once to dry ingredients, stirring just until moistened.

Spread batter in a greased 8-1/2-in. x 4-1/2-in. loaf pan.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes.

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.

Pear and Sour Cherry Flat Pie

All-purpose flour, for work surface
14 ounce frozen puff pastry, thawed
3 small Bartlett pears, or 2 medium pears, peeled, halved, cored, and cut into 1/4-inch slices (about 1 pound 2 ounces)
2 ounces dried sour cherries
1/3 cup sugar, plus more for sprinkling
4 teaspoons cornstarch
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Five-spice powder
1 large egg, lightly beaten


Preheat oven to 375 degrees. On a lightly floured surface, unfold dough, and roll to 10 by 15 inches. Cut into two 10-by-7 1/2-inch rectangles. Refrigerate until cold.

Stir pears, cherries, sugar, cornstarch, lemon juice, and 1/8 teaspoon each of salt, pepper, and spice powder in a bowl.

Transfer 1 rectangle of dough to a baking sheet lined with parchment. Spoon fruit mixture onto dough, leaving a 1-inch border all around. Brush border with beaten egg.

Lay remaining dough over filling; press gently to seal. Refrigerate 20 minutes.

Transfer to a room-temperature rimmed baking sheet lined with parchment.

Trim edges, and brush top with beaten egg. Cut five 5-inch vents in top. Sprinkle with sugar. Bake, rotating once, until crust is golden and juices are bubbling, about 35 minutes. Transfer pie to a wire rack; let cool 20 minutes before serving.

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Roast Spatchcocked Turkey

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon coarse salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 whole fresh turkey (about 12 pounds)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Stir together oil, salt, and pepper in a small bowl.
Rinse inside and outside of turkey; pat dry with paper towels. Spatchcock (below)turkey. Transfer to a rimmed baking sheet, breast side up. Let stand for 30 minutes.
Brush or rub turkey all over with oil mixture. Roast, rotating sheet halfway through and basting twice, until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh reaches 165 degrees, about 1 hour and 10 minutes. Let stand for 20 minutes before carving.


Cut out the backbone
Start with the turkey breast-side down. Use poultry shears to cut along both sides of the backbone, beginning at the tail end. If you hit a tough spot, try cutting with just the tip of the shears.

Open the Turkey
Set aside backbone (and giblets) for stock. Take hold of both newly cut edges, and open the turkey. Remove any large pieces of fat. Turn the turkey, breast-side up.

Break the breastbone
Place your hand on one side of the breast, close to the breastbone, and push down firmly until you hear a crack. Repeat on the other side. (For better leverage as you work, stand on a step stool.)

Flatten the Turkey
Pull the thighs outward so the turkey lies flat, with the wings facing inward. Tuck the wing tips under to secure.

Brush with oil and roast
Place the turkey on a rimmed baking sheet. Let stand for 30 minutes. Use a basting brush to apply oil mixture.

Asking a critic to name his favorite book is like asking a butcher to name his favorite pig.

Pigs in a Blanket


2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
4 tablespoons vegetable shortening cut into 1/2 inch pieces and chilled
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 large egg, lightly beaten
6 hot dogs

Make Dough: Line rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Pulse 2 cups flour, shortening, baking powder, salt, and cayenne in food processor until mixture resembles coarse meal. Transfer to large bowl. Stir in cream until completely combined.

Shape and Freeze: Roll dough into 15 x 10 inch rectangle. Brush dough with egg and cut into six 5-inch squares. Place remaining flour in shallow dish. Pat hot dogs dry with paper towels and coat with flour, shaking off excess. Arrange 1 hot dog in center of each dough square. Roll dough around hot dog and pinch seam closed. Cut each hot dog into 4 rounds and place o prepared baking sheet. Freeze until firm, about 30 minutes. Transfer to ziplock bag and freeze for up to one month.

Bake: Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 425 degrees. Arrange rounds, seam side down, on parchment-lined rimmed baking sheet. Bake until golden brown, 25 to 30 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes. Serve warm.